A Letter to my Mother on Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day, Mom. I would have written this yesterday, but I was waiting to see if you would finally love me more than your pride. You never called but I didn't expect you to. This time, I didn't either. I was busy spending time with my daughters.




I thought a lot about you yesterday, and about the positive things you have taught me. I want to say thanks.




Thank you for constantly forcing me to take sides against with you against others. It taught me to love my babies, even when their view or opinion is different than mine. It taught me that a different mind frame is not a personal attack.




Thank you for frequently leaving me out of family stuff until the last minute, and for letting me know on a regular basis that you love my brothers more. That sounds so petty and jealous, but it's actually not. Because you have actually told me you do. It taught me to talk to my kids. To love them equally as fierce as their sibling and appreciate what makes them unique. To celebrate them and accept them whole heartedly.




Thank you for telling me that the abuse I suffered at the hands of others, both as a child and adult, was my fault. It taught me to accept my responsibility in things, while realizing what was NOT my fault. This lesson was hard but you were a consistent teacher. It developed the lesson for my children that you are responsible for your actions and reactions always, but you are not responsible for others. They may choose to hurt you in some way, but you can choose to not allow, or participate in that negativity.




Thank you for all the hateful things you screamed at me through the years, and the mean names you called me. It showed me the importance of choosing my words carefully, and apologizing when I am wrong. I've made it a point to call my kids names too. Things like snookums, sweet tart, sour skittle when they're moody, etc. A bit opposite scale of what you choose to use, but you get the idea...




Thank you for all the times you used me. Thank you for all the times you kept the people in our lives who had hurt us. Thank you for creating toxic environments. Thank you for the lack of regular affection. Thank you for the times you had me face myself in a mirror and say I was a bad person. Thank you for reminding me that you could have had an abortion. Thank you for showing me how much I owed you for.


Without your "love", I would never have learned to love myself. I would not have accepted that something had to change. I would not have been able to break the cycle, finally, for my babies. I would not have learned how important kisses are, or hugs, or open conversations, or the vitalness of thinking before I speak, among many other things.


Thank you. I would never have been the mom I am today, without you. You taught me how to be the mom I've always dreamed of being, and the mom my girls deserve. You taught me love, by showing me what NOT to do. I know what kind of mom they need, because you were everything I didn't.


Thank you for that. Happy Mothers Day, Mom.