The Spawn Intro

My mother taught me an introduction is very important. Well, she actually didn't, but it sounded nice. I thought long and hard about this. How do I start a blog? What do I say? People think I'm weird in real life, how can I fool them online? You know what I learned after scouring webpage after webpage?

Nothing.

Zip.

Zilch.

Nada.

I was just as clueless as when I started. I had no idea what to say, I was still weird. Gone were my thoughts of being a cool, savvy, tech friendly mom who balanced blogging with Pinterest projects executed beyond perfection. There is still dried cereal underneath my coffee table, waiting patiently to be vacuumed. My kids rooms are still messy, bumble bee costumes and tutus strewn about in a haphazard fashion.

...Oh, the heartbreak of utter realization of reality...

I decided before I drone on and on about my kids, I should introduce them, or at least nickname them so that when they find out I have told gory details about their lives, I ,at least, have a defense against the "I have ruined their livessssss" argument.

So SPAWN #1 shall be "Miss Tween". I considered Miss Dramatic, Melodramatic, Hormonal, and any other eye rolling and sigh inducing word that comes to mind. Why? Because she is dramatic, melodramatic, hormonal, irritating, lazy, bossy, know-it-all, messy and inspires fleeting feelings of slapping the sense in to her. However, she is also creative (the girl can make baby blankets out of scrap material), helpful (she may leave her clothes everywhere, and her dishes, and food, paper.... but she will go in the kitchen and make her little sisters lunch without me asking at 6:00am while I convince Spawn #3 that pants are necessary), thoughtful, curious (she loves learning new things and sharing them), fashionable (finally! the girl wore size 7 jazz pants to school on a regular basis until I finally succeeded in giving them to Goodwill last year! She's 11!), funny, playful, interesting (she plays the drums. Nuff said), and has a really kind heart. I think after the Tribulation of her teenage-hood, she should turn out nicely and I wont have too many apologies to make.

SPAWN #2 is dubbed "Miss Balanced". I was mostly clueless as to how to refer to her. She whines, she plays, she fights, she makes up. She's artistic (crafts, spin art, games, movies, dress-up), she likes bright colors, and her Sketcher Twinkle Toes as much as her Batman Converse. Her best friend is her little sister. She'll take a lot from her until she doesn't anymore, and I have to physically pull them apart. Five minutes later, I hear screaming, run into the room and they're squealing while they paint each others fingernails. She's smart, she gets through her struggles, loves snuggles, and she is either giving you a Grinch look, or has the prettiest little smile for you. Her hair is crazy beautiful. She doesn't bother her big sister too much and is just overall balanced. I worry that she will be the one to act out, but I pray God guides me enough that she just stays balanced. At 7, she is the most relaxed and mellow.

SPAWN #3 is regularly referred to as Decepticon, Miss Crazy, or the self imposed "Hayro". So I'll just go with that as her attitude fits. If you ever have a chance to meet her, you won't likely forget her anytime soon. She is a whirlwind. A force of nature. She can't stand pants (the girl shucks her clothes the moment she gets inside), she doesn't like shoes (although socks are growing on her), she hates her hair up (even though she can't stand how it's in her face and keeps making her have to do this!... put it behind her ear...), I have literally resorted to rolling my eyes and leaving the room when she tries to choke herself out after being told "no" (calm down, parents. Put down the phone CPS'rs. I took her to a LICENSED doctor for this type of thing. I was very concerned. They advised putting her on medicines, she's only 4, and ignoring the bad behaviour. I was advised to place her in her room and watch from a safe, hidden distance. I follow the DOCTORS advice and then go in the room and talk to her about some better choices and alternatives she could have chosen to release her frustration). She only responds to severe volumes (either a whisper or a shout, no in between, we are working on it, just fyi), she carries the dog around and dresses it in baby doll clothing and swaddles it, she wants to be a doctor, frequently exercises freedom of speech, plays dress up, plays with trains and barbies, and after watching you pull your hair out while staring into the Valley of Tears, wraps her tiny arms around your neck and says, "I love you soooooo much!"

We have SPAWN #4 on the way. She's due Valentines Day 2015. We are all eager to find out everything about her as a small person. After learning it was another girl, Miss Tween talked to me about how babies are made and advised me to use protection until I can guarantee a brother, Miss Balanced was ecstatic, and Hayro called me a liar! (there's that freedom of speech).

I don't know how often I'll write. The blogging guidelines I discovered ranged anywhere from once a week to once a month. I figure I'll just go with it, that, much like parenting, I'll learn as I go. I'll make mistakes, be overwhelmed, slack off, but I won't give up.

No, I won't give up...

Isn't that what this is all about anyway?